When and How to Say No

Confident WomanLoving who you are and believing in yourself means that you value yourself enough to know when to say no to someone who wants to take advantage of your kindness or who wants you to do something you really do not want to do. People who were raised to always be polite or are looking for approval and acceptance from others can have a tendency to agree to certain actions that they do not want to participate in because they are afraid of being perceived as rude or they are afraid of being rejected.

It Starts with You
Love and respect comes from within you. You must respect and honor yourself and your feelings. If you do not, others will not respect and honor you either. The person or persons who do not respect your right to say no may not have your best interests at heart. If they continue to push you, they are most likely trying to force their own agenda onto you. Some people may have legitimate and honorable reasons for doing so; however, if there is something you do not want to do, then you should not do it.

Own Your Personal Power
It is also important to note that when you say no, you do not have to give reasons or excuses. This may be tough to do at first because societal conditioning regarding excessive politeness and strong desires to fit in or be liked may prompt you to want to give an excuse to garner approval. Excuses are like weak links in your self-esteem, they give someone more information that they can use as a way of breaking your resistance to their request or demand. Your reasons are your own, and you do not need to explain yourself to anyone. If someone continues to aggressively push you, you have the right to step away from the situation. Again, anyone who tries to push you that hard is most likely focusing on an agenda that will not benefit you, especially if they are asking you to compromise yourself or your values.

How are You Treating Others?
On the other side of this, if you are aggressively trying to convince someone to do something that they do not want to do, it would be best to respect their decision. It is possible to open up a dialog that could result in an equitable compromise; however, each person involved must be in agreement as to how to proceed. The solution should not overly tax one person’s resources over another’s, nor should you have to compromise your values or yourself in order to achieve an equitable agreement that supports all parties involved.

Healing Begins with Dialog
Saying no to someone just to be spiteful or taking actions against someone out of spite is another matter altogether. This type of behavior is vengeful and is based on a desire to hurt someone. If you find yourself doing this, you may want to take a close look at why you chose to respond in this manner. If someone has hurt you, answering their misinformed behavior by attempting to deliver pain will not bring about healing. It will only escalate the painful situation even more, and may bring about disastrous results for both parties. A healthier way to handle this situation would be to discuss with the person or persons involved the actions or behaviors that brought you pain. Give them a chance to explain why they acted the way they did. Sometimes, people are not aware that their actions hurt you. By talking about it, you are giving yourselves the opportunity to foster understanding and healing through open dialog.

What to Do if Conversation Is not Possible
If a conversation is not possible because the person refuses to listen or if it would put you in a position that threatens your safety, then it may be best for you to walk away from this relationship and forgive them for their actions. Forgiveness does not mean that you condone their actions. It means that you are unwilling to carry toxic feelings within your heart. By cleansing yourself of the negative feelings brought about by carrying grudges, you can free yourself of the emotional black cloud you have been attracting and invite more positive experiences in your life. Remember, like attracts like. If your thoughts are concentrated on negative experiences, you will most likely draw more of the same toward you. When your thoughts are more positive and based on forgiving people for the mistakes they have made, then you will most likely draw more loving and understanding relationships into your life.

Honor and Respect Multiplies
Honor yourself by making decisions that are in alignment with you and your values. When you give in and do things that you do not want to do, you are giving other people the power to take advantage of you. You can retain your power in a healthy and assertive way by standing up for yourself in a calm and self-assured manner. Aggressiveness, yelling, and strong-arming tactics create unhealthy relationship dynamics that often lead to negative consequences. You can be polite and tell people no at the same time. In fact, they may even respect you more for it because respect for yourself cultivates respect from others.

Ask for Help
If you need help believing in yourself, learning how to say no, or communicating from your heart when facing trying circumstances, you can always call on your heavenly support team to assist you. Ask them to lend you the spiritual strength you need to stand up for yourself in a positive way or to resolve the situation in a way that is for the good of all parties involved. Know that your loved ones in spirit, your angels, and your spirit guides want you to succeed on your spiritual journey on earth, and will send love, peace, and spiritual strength when you ask for it.

Namaste!

With Light and Love,
Karen T. Hluchan

Spirit Medium, Motivational Speaker, Reiki Master, & Author of How Have You Loved?

www.HealingSpiritWithLove.com

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