When and How to Say No

Confident WomanLoving who you are and believing in yourself means that you value yourself enough to know when to say no to someone who wants to take advantage of your kindness or who wants you to do something you really do not want to do. People who were raised to always be polite or are looking for approval and acceptance from others can have a tendency to agree to certain actions that they do not want to participate in because they are afraid of being perceived as rude or they are afraid of being rejected.

It Starts with You
Love and respect comes from within you. You must respect and honor yourself and your feelings. If you do not, others will not respect and honor you either. The person or persons who do not respect your right to say no may not have your best interests at heart. If they continue to push you, they are most likely trying to force their own agenda onto you. Some people may have legitimate and honorable reasons for doing so; however, if there is something you do not want to do, then you should not do it.

Own Your Personal Power
It is also important to note that when you say no, you do not have to give reasons or excuses. This may be tough to do at first because societal conditioning regarding excessive politeness and strong desires to fit in or be liked may prompt you to want to give an excuse to garner approval. Excuses are like weak links in your self-esteem, they give someone more information that they can use as a way of breaking your resistance to their request or demand. Your reasons are your own, and you do not need to explain yourself to anyone. If someone continues to aggressively push you, you have the right to step away from the situation. Again, anyone who tries to push you that hard is most likely focusing on an agenda that will not benefit you, especially if they are asking you to compromise yourself or your values.

How are You Treating Others?
On the other side of this, if you are aggressively trying to convince someone to do something that they do not want to do, it would be best to respect their decision. It is possible to open up a dialog that could result in an equitable compromise; however, each person involved must be in agreement as to how to proceed. The solution should not overly tax one person’s resources over another’s, nor should you have to compromise your values or yourself in order to achieve an equitable agreement that supports all parties involved.

Healing Begins with Dialog
Saying no to someone just to be spiteful or taking actions against someone out of spite is another matter altogether. This type of behavior is vengeful and is based on a desire to hurt someone. If you find yourself doing this, you may want to take a close look at why you chose to respond in this manner. If someone has hurt you, answering their misinformed behavior by attempting to deliver pain will not bring about healing. It will only escalate the painful situation even more, and may bring about disastrous results for both parties. A healthier way to handle this situation would be to discuss with the person or persons involved the actions or behaviors that brought you pain. Give them a chance to explain why they acted the way they did. Sometimes, people are not aware that their actions hurt you. By talking about it, you are giving yourselves the opportunity to foster understanding and healing through open dialog.

What to Do if Conversation Is not Possible
If a conversation is not possible because the person refuses to listen or if it would put you in a position that threatens your safety, then it may be best for you to walk away from this relationship and forgive them for their actions. Forgiveness does not mean that you condone their actions. It means that you are unwilling to carry toxic feelings within your heart. By cleansing yourself of the negative feelings brought about by carrying grudges, you can free yourself of the emotional black cloud you have been attracting and invite more positive experiences in your life. Remember, like attracts like. If your thoughts are concentrated on negative experiences, you will most likely draw more of the same toward you. When your thoughts are more positive and based on forgiving people for the mistakes they have made, then you will most likely draw more loving and understanding relationships into your life.

Honor and Respect Multiplies
Honor yourself by making decisions that are in alignment with you and your values. When you give in and do things that you do not want to do, you are giving other people the power to take advantage of you. You can retain your power in a healthy and assertive way by standing up for yourself in a calm and self-assured manner. Aggressiveness, yelling, and strong-arming tactics create unhealthy relationship dynamics that often lead to negative consequences. You can be polite and tell people no at the same time. In fact, they may even respect you more for it because respect for yourself cultivates respect from others.

Ask for Help
If you need help believing in yourself, learning how to say no, or communicating from your heart when facing trying circumstances, you can always call on your heavenly support team to assist you. Ask them to lend you the spiritual strength you need to stand up for yourself in a positive way or to resolve the situation in a way that is for the good of all parties involved. Know that your loved ones in spirit, your angels, and your spirit guides want you to succeed on your spiritual journey on earth, and will send love, peace, and spiritual strength when you ask for it.

Namaste!

With Light and Love,
Karen T. Hluchan

Spirit Medium, Motivational Speaker, Reiki Master, & Author of How Have You Loved?

www.HealingSpiritWithLove.com

What to Do When Past Pain Resurfaces

Be at Peace with YourselfAs we go through our lives working through challenging personal situations, healing from them, and accepting them for the lessons they taught us, the old pain that you released may rise to the surface again when we least expect it. Days, months, or even years after you think you have successfully handled the feelings and emotions from the past, you may encounter a situation that is reminiscent of the ones you thought you had a handle on.

Thrown Off Balance
At first, you may be thrown off balance as thoughts and emotions from the past threaten to overwhelm you. However, you are not encountering this situation for the first time. You have already been through this, and you have already learned better ways of handling this situation. For instance, let’s say you are in a situation in which you feel that a person with a forceful personality is trying to manipulate you by insulting you, belittling you, demeaning you, or twisting your words around to suit their needs. Having dealt with this in the past, you are more likely to recognize the manipulative techniques that this person is trying to employ. While it may make you upset to find yourself dealing again with someone who displays this type of negative behavior, you may actually be handling it better than you think.

Reacting Differently through Assertiveness and Love
In this particular situation, it is important to note that the person who is attempting to be manipulative is acting from a place of fear and ego. He or she is not acting from a place of love. It is this person’s intention to force you to bend to his or her will because he or she is afraid of losing power. What this person does not realize is that the perceived power has already been given away the moment he or she decided to allow fear to take over his or her thought processes. When you recognize this, you can choose to react in a manner that does not feed into the fear that this person is projecting. By knowing who you are, you can stand up for yourself in an assertive manner, which is representative of the love that you have for yourself. It is important to note that reacting with aggression, rather than assertion, will only feed into the negative behavior of the other person and drive the situation away from a positive resolution. Stand strong and confident in the love that you have for you, and for the positive and fair resolution of the problem for all involved.

Forgiveness Ushers in Healing
Try not to be upset with yourself if you initially get angry or distraught over the circumstances you are facing. It can be very challenging to deal with situations that are similar to those that brought you pain in the past. Allow yourself to acknowledge your feelings, and then release them. Be at peace with yourself. In your heart and mind, forgive yourself and the person who treated you in this manner, and let go of toxic feelings. Holding a grudge will only serve to hurt you and prevent you from moving forward. Pray for this person’s health and happiness, and let go of the negativity by recognizing that this person has not yet learned to operate from a place of love. Your prayers may help them to move forward, which will mean one more person in this world who embraces the light and love of which we are all a part.

Help Is Available
If you need help working through the emotions and feelings that have arisen from the situation that triggered the resurfacing of past pain, ask God and your angels for help, and speak with friends and family members who are supportive of you and your goals.

Silver Linings
No matter how negative a situation may appear on the surface, there are positive reasons for why they occur in our lives. Once we have lived through the challenging circumstances, we can look back to see what we have learned and decide which route we are going to take if we encounter them again. Situations that rehash pain from the past is not a punishment, but rather an opportunity to put into practice the lessons we have learned and to confirm the growth that has taken place within our spirits.

Namaste!

With Light and Love,
Karen T. Hluchan
Spirit Medium, Motivational Speaker, Reiki Master, & Author of How Have You Loved?

www.HealingSpiritWithLove.com