When and How to Say No

Confident WomanLoving who you are and believing in yourself means that you value yourself enough to know when to say no to someone who wants to take advantage of your kindness or who wants you to do something you really do not want to do. People who were raised to always be polite or are looking for approval and acceptance from others can have a tendency to agree to certain actions that they do not want to participate in because they are afraid of being perceived as rude or they are afraid of being rejected.

It Starts with You
Love and respect comes from within you. You must respect and honor yourself and your feelings. If you do not, others will not respect and honor you either. The person or persons who do not respect your right to say no may not have your best interests at heart. If they continue to push you, they are most likely trying to force their own agenda onto you. Some people may have legitimate and honorable reasons for doing so; however, if there is something you do not want to do, then you should not do it.

Own Your Personal Power
It is also important to note that when you say no, you do not have to give reasons or excuses. This may be tough to do at first because societal conditioning regarding excessive politeness and strong desires to fit in or be liked may prompt you to want to give an excuse to garner approval. Excuses are like weak links in your self-esteem, they give someone more information that they can use as a way of breaking your resistance to their request or demand. Your reasons are your own, and you do not need to explain yourself to anyone. If someone continues to aggressively push you, you have the right to step away from the situation. Again, anyone who tries to push you that hard is most likely focusing on an agenda that will not benefit you, especially if they are asking you to compromise yourself or your values.

How are You Treating Others?
On the other side of this, if you are aggressively trying to convince someone to do something that they do not want to do, it would be best to respect their decision. It is possible to open up a dialog that could result in an equitable compromise; however, each person involved must be in agreement as to how to proceed. The solution should not overly tax one person’s resources over another’s, nor should you have to compromise your values or yourself in order to achieve an equitable agreement that supports all parties involved.

Healing Begins with Dialog
Saying no to someone just to be spiteful or taking actions against someone out of spite is another matter altogether. This type of behavior is vengeful and is based on a desire to hurt someone. If you find yourself doing this, you may want to take a close look at why you chose to respond in this manner. If someone has hurt you, answering their misinformed behavior by attempting to deliver pain will not bring about healing. It will only escalate the painful situation even more, and may bring about disastrous results for both parties. A healthier way to handle this situation would be to discuss with the person or persons involved the actions or behaviors that brought you pain. Give them a chance to explain why they acted the way they did. Sometimes, people are not aware that their actions hurt you. By talking about it, you are giving yourselves the opportunity to foster understanding and healing through open dialog.

What to Do if Conversation Is not Possible
If a conversation is not possible because the person refuses to listen or if it would put you in a position that threatens your safety, then it may be best for you to walk away from this relationship and forgive them for their actions. Forgiveness does not mean that you condone their actions. It means that you are unwilling to carry toxic feelings within your heart. By cleansing yourself of the negative feelings brought about by carrying grudges, you can free yourself of the emotional black cloud you have been attracting and invite more positive experiences in your life. Remember, like attracts like. If your thoughts are concentrated on negative experiences, you will most likely draw more of the same toward you. When your thoughts are more positive and based on forgiving people for the mistakes they have made, then you will most likely draw more loving and understanding relationships into your life.

Honor and Respect Multiplies
Honor yourself by making decisions that are in alignment with you and your values. When you give in and do things that you do not want to do, you are giving other people the power to take advantage of you. You can retain your power in a healthy and assertive way by standing up for yourself in a calm and self-assured manner. Aggressiveness, yelling, and strong-arming tactics create unhealthy relationship dynamics that often lead to negative consequences. You can be polite and tell people no at the same time. In fact, they may even respect you more for it because respect for yourself cultivates respect from others.

Ask for Help
If you need help believing in yourself, learning how to say no, or communicating from your heart when facing trying circumstances, you can always call on your heavenly support team to assist you. Ask them to lend you the spiritual strength you need to stand up for yourself in a positive way or to resolve the situation in a way that is for the good of all parties involved. Know that your loved ones in spirit, your angels, and your spirit guides want you to succeed on your spiritual journey on earth, and will send love, peace, and spiritual strength when you ask for it.

Namaste!

With Light and Love,
Karen T. Hluchan

Spirit Medium, Motivational Speaker, Reiki Master, & Author of How Have You Loved?

www.HealingSpiritWithLove.com

Are Spirits Constantly Communicating with Mediums?

Honor Yourself and OthersPeople often ask me if spirits communicate with me everywhere I go and if they urge me to share messages all of the time with people in my vicinity. The short answer to this question is both yes and no. I keep the channel open to remain receptive to messages from spirits; however, when and why spirits communicate with me differs according to the circumstances I am in.

Respect Goes Both Ways
As a spirit medium, the respect I have for spiritual beings is also extended from them to me. Spirits know that I have duties that I need to perform on earth and that I, too, have a life I need to live. They know that I need time to relax and to attend to my own needs; therefore, they do not constantly hound me to share messages. As I mentioned, I do leave the channel of communication open at all times; however, it is for the purpose of remaining open to the daily guidance I receive from my support team in heaven. When I am preparing for a formal spirit medium reading, I consciously open the channel even further with the specific intention of receiving and sharing messages for the person or people in attendance.

Spirits Can Be Persistent
There have been times when spirits have urged me to share a message with someone who is sitting or standing next to me; however, the circumstances surrounding these situations usually has a much higher purpose and more far-reaching implications than I am made aware of at the time. When a spiritual being is strongly urging me to share a message with someone I have not formally met, I do so with honor and respect. This includes a proper assessment of the circumstances, and the asking of permission to share the messages I am receiving. It is very important to note that I do not just walk up to someone and blurt out information about their loved ones in spirit. It is irresponsible and rude to throw information like that out to people without having asked permission to share the message. By asking permission I am allowing the person to prepare themselves for the receipt of a message, and it also gives them the option to receive it or not.

Honoring the Spirit of Each Being
Spirit communication is to be approached with honor for the divine source that dwells within us all. That honor includes showing respect to the spirit who is communicating with me, as well as to the spirit that dwells within the person with whom I may be sharing divine messages.

Misconceptions about Spirit Mediums
The misconception that mediums just walk up to people on the street and share messages is rooted, in part, in the television show, Long Island Medium. It is unfortunate that this show cuts out the portions in which permission is asked to share a reading. When watching the show, people tend to forget that Theresa Caputo is followed around by television cameras. She must ask permission from store owners to bring cameras into their establishments, and at the same time, I would hope that she asks for permission to share messages from spirit, should they arise. As viewers, you do not see these transactions taking place, you only see her sharing messages in spirit because the producer wants you to have the impression that these events are occurring spontaneously for the reality television format. While I am very grateful for what Theresa has done to raise awareness about spirit communication, the way her show has portrayed it has caused confusion and unrealistic expectations in viewers. The format of the shows leads people to believe that spirits urge mediums to walk up to people they have never met and deliver messages all of the time. As I had mentioned, there have been very special and unique times that this has happened to me; however, I assess the situation first, and then ask permission before sharing the messages.

Clearing Up an Additional Misunderstanding
One of the other misconceptions that surround mediumship is that mediums should be constantly sharing messages with people for free because it is a gift. I have actually had people demand, not ask, that I give them a message on the spot. To demand anything from anyone is very rude, and it does not honor the gifts, the person with the gifts, or the source of the gifts. No matter what gifts a person may possess, it is always better to ask than to demand or even expect someone to give of themselves.

Visiting Hours
If you would like to receive messages from your loved ones in spirit, ask to set up a time for a reading. Like doctors, mediums have specific times that they devote to sharing their gifts of healing with others. Both doctors and mediums deserve time off to attend to their own lives, have fun, and to recharge themselves in order to serve others with honor and respect. If we did not do this, the imbalance of constantly giving and not receiving would leave us severely depleted of energy and, therefore, less effective in our roles as healers. The same holds true for you. If you are constantly giving and not receiving in your life, eventually there would be nothing left for you to give.

The True Meaning of Namaste
In all that you do, it is a beneficial demonstrate respect and honor yourself and others. In this way, you can maintain more cooperative relationships that serve to inspire and uplift your spirit and that of others, rather than deplete them of energy. There is a time and a place for everything, and by honoring yourself and those around you, you will be much happier with the results of your interactions.

Namaste!

With Light and Love,
Karen T. Hluchan

Spirit Medium, Motivational Speaker, Reiki Master, & Author of How Have You Loved?

www.HealingSpiritWithLove.com

Your Self-Worth Is Not Measured by the Opinions of Others

Self-WorthHave you taken a non-judgmental look inside your heart and spirit to assess the traits that define the essence of who you are? Have you accepted all of those traits in a loving manner by embracing and recognizing the positive ones, and acknowledging the ones that need a little work? 

Self-Awareness and Love
Knowing who you are and loving who you are, are important factors for claiming the power within you that is rightfully yours. When you allow the negative words and actions of others to define you, you are giving other people the power to dim the light within you.

Determining the Reason behind Communications
There is a very big difference between someone providing you with constructive feedback and someone hurling insults and hurtful words at you. The clues to determining the difference are in the delivery and the motivation for the feedback.

When Love Is the Motivator
When people have your best interest at heart, they will speak to you in a respectful manner, and the thoughts they share with you come from the heart. The person who speaks with you in this manner is genuinely interested in your welfare, and would like to help you succeed.

When Fear Is the Motivator
On the opposite end of the spectrum, when people say vicious or mean things to you using sarcastic, biting, or angry tones, they are projecting their own negative feelings about themselves on you. The motivation for such behavior is based in fear. Often, it is because they envy what you possess and are afraid that they will never have it themselves. In this person’s mind, they mistakenly think that putting you down will raise themselves up. Instead of taking responsibility for themselves and their personal happiness, they lash out at you. When facing an onslaught such as this, you need to be strong enough in your own right in order to recognize the motivation behind this behavior, and to dismiss it as someone else’s fears and not a reflection of who you are.

How to Achieve the Best Results
In relationships and communications, it is love, self-love and love toward others, that creates the outcomes we desire. Coming from a place of fear or attempting to instill fear in others may temporarily achieve certain results; however, in the long-term, it eats away at the levels of trust and can ultimately destroy interpersonal relations.

How You Can Choose to React
When you encounter people who are operating from a place of fear instead of love, you can choose to dismiss their comments and hurtful behavior and move on with your life. Whether it was a momentary transgression or a more problematic aspect of someone’s behavior, try to take a more understanding and compassionate approach by knowing that each person is doing their best to grapple with the issues that we contend with on earth. We all make mistakes, and, hopefully, we learn from them. Within your heart, mind, and soul, forgive the person for their transgression, and wish them love, health, and happiness.

You Determine Your Self-Worth
All in all, when you love yourself for who you are and you operate from a standpoint of love, you can more easily recognize when someone’s behavior is motivated by his or her fears, and not genuine feedback that you should take to heart. Your self-worth is a value that is defined by you, and only you. The actions you take and the thoughts you share display to others the value you hold for yourself in your heart, mind, and spirit. Believe in you, and love who you are, because you are a beautiful light in this world who deserves an abundance of happiness and love.

Namaste!

With Light and Love,
Karen T. Hluchan

Spirit Medium, Motivational Speaker, Reiki Master, & Author of How Have You Loved?

www.HealingSpiritWithLove.com

The Purpose of the Human Ego and How to Manage Its Effects

Managing the EgoWhen our spirits are in heaven, negativity does not exist. It does exist on earth because it was built into the program for beings to experience an accelerated path for the growth of their souls toward enlightenment. The human ego, the driving force behind earthly negativity, is a mechanism that is built into us when we receive our human bodies. It is placed within us as a personal obstacle that challenges us on a daily basis with its pessimistic views that have the potential to drag us into its shadowy depths. It is important to note that the negativity, worries, fears, regrets, and self-doubt it projects upon our psyches is all an illusion. None of it is real. It certainly feels real, and it certainly can have a very real effect on our lives if we allow it to take over our thought processes. It is the most significant and persistent challenge we face as spiritual beings on a human journey.

By knowing that the negative voice of the ego is an illusion designed to make us examine our belief systems and thought processes, we can learn how to manage its negating and self-destructive effects. This can be accomplished through thought management, love, and examining our souls for the true lessons that are behind the challenges we experience in our lives each day.

Thought Management
We have the power to control our thought processes. It may not appear that way when negative thoughts, concerns, worries, and regrets seem to race through our minds, blocking out all of the positive beliefs and thoughts we hold in our minds. You can learn to manage negative ego-based thoughts by first recognizing their presence and then acknowledging them for what they are—an illusion. Ego-based thoughts are the ones that tell us that we are not good enough, that we are failures or that we will never succeed, that our ideas are worthless, or that we are unlovable. None of these statements are true, and should not be believed because they are borne out of the ego which projects fear as a challenge. Fears are obstacles that are meant to be overcome. By dismissing these thoughts, we can step beyond the illusion of fear that clouds our vision, in order to see the true spirit that resides within us. We were designed by our Creator as perfect beings of light that are capable of accomplishing any task that is placed before us. We have dreams and goals that we are meant to achieve, and can do so because we have been given every tool that we need to succeed. Our first task, though, is to manage the effects of the ego in a way that opens our minds, hearts, and spirits to the potential that lies within our own souls.

The Power of Love in Its Purest Form
The opposite of fear is love. It is through the power of divine love that our spirits were formed. We were born out of love, and are the true essence of love in its purest form. Our memories of this are veiled when our spirits take on the human form. This is done in order to allow us to learn the lessons associated with the human ego. As we evolve and expand our conscious thoughts, we can break through the veil of the ego that conceals this knowledge from our spirits.

To do this, we need to manage the negative effects of the ego, and learn to truly love ourselves for who we are. Any perceived flaws in our human forms have been placed there as a challenge. We are here to love ourselves, flaws and all. As with our spirits, our human forms were created to be unique. These differences show the beauty and value of our individuality, and should be embraced with acceptance, love, and respect for the unique path that each soul has chosen for his or her divine growth and enlightenment.

When you love and respect yourself for who you are, you are more inclined to make decisions that are more in line with you and your dreams. Circumstances that may have brought you down in the past will no longer have the same hold on you, because the love and respect that you have for yourself will help you to remove yourself from situations that have the potential to bring you harm. Loving yourself gives you the strength and compassion you need to stand up for yourself, and to make the decisions that will bring you the most joy and happiness.

Examining the Lessons
Each experience we have on earth is designed for the growth of our soul. We make choices every day about how we will proceed, and how the events that occur will affect us. We are in control of the choices we that make; we are the masters of our own destiny. By examining the circumstances we have encountered and are encountering, and the choices we have made and are in the process of making, we can begin to see the patterns and lessons that are behind our experiences. For example, we may have had a childhood in which one of our parents was overly stern or harsh in their treatment of us. The negative voice of the ego may say that we deserved to be treated that way because we are unlovable. Instead of giving the ego free reign to spread its fear, we can look at the situation as a lesson in learning how not to treat others. It is also an opportunity to learn how to extend forgiveness toward those who have not yet learned to love themselves or manage the effects of the ego that led them to act out of fear and bring harm to other souls.

All of our experiences have positive reasons for occurring. If we take the time to examine them from a viewpoint of love and determining the purpose of life lessons, we can see the step-by-step progression our souls are making toward enlightenment.

Blessings to You on Your Journey
Be patient with yourself as you learn how to manage the ego. It takes time to break the habit of giving in to the negative chatter that the ego spouts. It is a persistent voice that tried to demand and command your attention in a manner that is similar to a toddler throwing a tantrum. Like the toddler, the ego yells and screams until it is appeased, or until it realizes that its unacceptable behavior is being ignored. And also like the toddler, if you give in to the ego’s unrealistic demands, then you will be rewarded with more tantrums. If you learn how to ignore the ego’s negative rants, it will realize the futility of its efforts, and will begin to recognize that something greater than it is in charge—the true and loving spirit that resides within you.

Namaste!

With Light and Love,
Karen T. Hluchan
Spirit Medium, Motivational Speaker, Reiki Master, & Author of How Have You Loved?

www.HealingSpiritWithLove.com

Our Relationship with Animals

Our Relationship with AnimalsAnimals are fantastic creatures. They teach us so much through their behaviors and unconditional love. The Native American Indians, who have devotedly studied animals for spiritual and sustenance purposes, appreciate the subtle nuances of the behavior of animals. Often, they adopt the Spirit of a particular animal as their Totem. They strongly believe that the Spirit of the forces of nature, the birds, the animals, etc., were sent to us as protectors and guides that carry messages of import communicated through behavioral signs and intuitive communication with their Spirits.

In today’s world, we no longer have to survive off the land as the Native American Indians once did. Modern inventions and conveniences have moved us away from total immersion with nature; however, that doesn’t mean that the spiritual world of animals is no longer relevant. The animal kingdom is as important today as it was during the time when Native American Indians roamed the land unconfined by government-imposed boundaries.

We can learn about the signs and messages from animals through our own gentle observations, as well as from books that carry the knowledge of those who have gone before us. To start your journey into the world of animals, I recommend the book Animal Speak by Ted Andrews. His strong references to the Native American way of life lend credence to his observations about the natural behaviors and spiritual meanings of animals who make their presence known in your life.

In addition to using his book as a starting point of reference, I encourage you to think about what particular animals, birds, reptiles, fish, and insects mean to you. Your personal signs and messages will always carry more import than definitions that come from outside of yourself. For instance, for me, cardinals are always a positive sign of good things to come. This is because I have historically experienced positive events whenever a cardinal has made an appearance in my life. Blue jays on the other hand, indicate potential trouble swooping down. Blue jays are very protective and aggressively guard their nests by attacking any perceived threat. They are a sign to me that I should be on guard and remain aware that a negative situation could have an impact on my life. Additionally, their presence is a reminder to pay close attention to my surroundings and, especially, to the behavior of those around me.

Cardinals and blue jays may hold different meanings for you due to your own experiences. If you are unsure of what the presence of a particular bird, animal, reptile, etc., means, then that is a good time to pull out your reference books to look up the general spiritual meaning. If you cannot find a spiritual meaning for a particular animal, bird, fish, etc., I recommend learning about the natural habitats and behaviors of the animals, for this will give you clues about the message that they are trying to send you.

As you become more aware of the presence of nature in your life, as well as the spiritual messages that nature is trying to communicate to you, you may begin to see that the signs of nature can also be found in objects created by humankind. Photographs, drawings and text that contain references to nature, such as an image of a fox on the side of a truck that passes you, could be a sign or a message for you. This is especially true when you keep seeing the same animals, reptile, bird, etc., over and over again. When that happens, I recommend trying to figure out the meaning of the message as Spirit is trying to get your attention and provide answers to your questions.

The deep respect and appreciation that the Native American Indians have for nature and Her creatures demonstrates many lessons for us in this modern world that are still relevant today. All of nature is a gift that we should appreciate and nurture as its very presence is what sustains our lives. Beyond the most basic factor of ensuring our survival, there is the deep well of knowledge that is passed on to us by nature that feeds our Spirit, as well.

With special blessings and gratitude for nature’s most gracious bounty, I thank you and all of Spirit for the connection that we have with one another.

Namaste!

With Light and Love,
Karen T. Hluchan
Spirit Medium & Reiki Master

www.HealingSpiritWithLove.com

Meditating with Nature

Spending time in nature is a wonderful way to rejuvenate your Spirit. It is a great way to reconnect with the Spirit that resides within us as the fresh air, birds, animals, plants, flowers and trees provide us with a panorama of natural beauty that speaks to our souls.

Parks are wonderful places to commune with nature. These places have been set aside to preserve and protect the natural habitats of the earth. When we visit them, we are there not only to enjoy them, but also to preserve the flora and fauna that reside there by respecting the land and all of its creatures that dwell there.

Myakka River State Park, FloridaWhen you go to a park or wildlife preserve to commune with nature, take along your binoculars to get a good look at the birds, plants and animals that you discover along your path. Sturdy, but comfortable, footwear and a bottle of water is also recommended. You may also want to bring along a pen and paper to record your thoughts or draw what you see. A camera, too, can help you to capture the beauty of what you are experiencing.

Have no expectations other than to breathe in the fresh air and to take delight in the sights and sounds that nature offers. Take note of the way the sun filters through the trees or sparkles as it reflects off of the water in a stream or lake. Listen to the music of the birds as they sing to one another in the trees. To see the animals, the best time to visit is near dawn or dusk, as this is when they come out to forage for food. Most of all, respect their homes and habitats by simply being an observer. Do not destroy or disturb their environment or leave litter behind. I am sure you would not appreciate it if someone came to your house and trashed it or left litter on the floor. We can all be good citizens of this earth by respecting nature and our environment. Be there to enjoy the splendor of the earth and to breathe in the peace that comes from observing nature’s simplicity, beauty and innocence. It is a gift worth preserving. For those of you who are already actively respecting and maintaining the environment in big and small ways, know that Mother Nature sends you her gratitude.

Nature can be enjoyed at any time. You don’t need to be at a park to hear the birds or to walk barefoot in the grass. Nature is all around us, every day. It is the air that we breathe, the wind that caresses our faces, the water we drink, the vegetables and plants that we eat, the flowers that we grow, the pets that we graciously open our homes and hearts to, the rabbits that hop in our yards, the bees that propagate the pollen for the plants, and the sun that brings warmth and light to our world. Enjoy it, respect it and give gratitude for it.

Whenever you need to feel refreshed and rejuvenated, go outside and take a deep breath. Thank Mother Nature for the gifts that She has given and reconnect with the Spirit that is within you.

Namaste! (The Spirit within me honors the Spirit within you!)

With Light and Love,
Karen T. Hluchan
Spirit Medium & Reiki Master

www.HealingSpiritWithLove.com